Farmer Wisdom #11
Farmer Wisdom #10
Farmer Wisdom #9
Farmer Wisdom #7
Farmer Wisdom #6
Farmer Wisdom #3
Farmer Wisdom #1
The Shovel and the Bar
The first stage involves digging the hole, the second, planting the post.
When digging a post hole by hand there are two tools.
A crowbar and a shovel. For a standard hole in standard dirt, the crowbar is heavy but does little. The shovel is light but does lots.
To a novice, one just starting out, it would appear based on initial observation, that the crowbar would be the easiest tool to use. You use its weight to break up the dirt and rock, so the shovel can get it out of the ground. The work of the bar at the outset is very light, a couple of smacks and then it’s back to the shovel. Indeed, to a beginner, the shovel is doing all the work. The time taken for the shovel to remove the dirt far exceeds the time taken to break it up.
Not only does it take longer, there is an art to removing dirt from a post hole efficiently without dirt falling back into the hole. The shoveller’s skill comes into play the deeper the hole gets. No such skill required for the bar.
Let’s sum up so far.
Crowbar: light, intermittent work. Requires no skill.
Shovel: constant work. Requires skill.
But now the hole has been dug, it’s time for stage two. The planting of the post.
This is where the novice who chose the crowbar suddenly realises that the light easy work earlier, turns into something else. For now, the crowbar is used to compact the dirt back in the hole around the base of the post. The shovel, merely places the dirt back in. The work of the bar becomes hard and heavy going. Not only do you need to use the weight of the bar, but you also need to force it down to compact the dirt.
The shoveller who earlier was working constantly is now taking it easy. The bar who was earlier taking it easier is working harder than the total combined effort of the shovel.
Let’s sum up:
Crowbar: light initial work requiring no skill creates constant work for the shovel, ending in severe effort to completion.
Shovel: constant work, have been created by the crowbar, requiring skill and ending in light effort to completion.
I’m a farmer, a simple kind of guy with a simple view of the world.
Why is it then, that when I think of I.T. Managers/Directors the image of a crow bar comes to mind?
Enter the FUBAR
The Stanley Fubar.
Now this is what I'm talking about. One heavy duty whacker-smacker that can make anything you swing it at... well - FUBAR!!
Available at the local Mitre-10 hardware store and I got a free T-shirt with it - BONUS!
When you need something with a little more finesse than a 30 pound sledge, this is the tool for the job. While not quite as heavy as a sledge-hammer it still has a fair heft to it. Actually you could probably dismantle an entire house/office with this little nifty. Nothing quite like having the right tool for the job, and a perfect fit for someone with neanderthal tendencies.
Now all I have to do is find something to FUBAR... perhaps I should take it to work!
MMWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAHA
Intelligence of Cows
Early
start this morning so I found myself at home not long
after midday.
I was enjoying frozen yoghurt. Mango.
The day had turned warm.
It tends to get warm when one is running around the
paddocks chasing cattle.
Cows are rather intelligent when they want to be.
Behind the facade of stupidity lies a cunning that
isn't matched by too many other animals. For
instance, you want a cow to move somewhere, they just
stand and look at you. Even with a bit of prodding
with a fire-stick they're likely just to run in any
direction and usually the exact opposite to the one
you need them to run in. You'll then find them in the
farthest corner of whatever paddock they're in. This
is compounded when combined with the herd mentality.
On their own they have some semblance of free will,
but in a herd the only thought to occur is a
recurring "RUN AWAY, RUN AWAY".
However, if you turn your back...
They will find the only open gate within... oh about
a thousand square miles. The one that leads to the
road that you thought you closed, but just happened
to swing back open. That one completely out of sight
that you figured you had enough time to duck down and
close. Or even the one that looks closed but is
actually just a fart away from falling open.
A Cow has an "open gate" sense.
On its own in an average sized paddock... say fifteen
acres, a Cow will find an open gate in approximately
fifteen minutes. A herd of Cows will find the open
gate instantly. Their combined "open gate" sense has
an unlimited range. You turn your back and they're
running directly for the gate. You couldn't get a
straighter line if you were on tracks.
They also learn very quickly that if they can jump a
fence, it's fairly likely they can jump any fence.
Once this realization takes hold, Cows become
veritable Kangaroos. Nothing can stop them. Even
gates are no longer important, for why worry about a
gate when you can just jump the old fence and be done
with it. Is the grass greener on the other side?
Well, lets find out.. BOOIIING. Why yes it is!
I have such a cow. A steer actually. It has an acute
"open gate" sense combined with a talent for
high-jump. Behind that innocent dumb look is a
cunning and masochistic mind. I'm sure of this. I can
see the smirk as it turns and, nonchalantly, walks
away. I'm left cursing and swearing under my breath
wishing I'd brought the fire-arm.
Fuming!! ...picture Wal Footrot.
It thinks it's smart, and for a steer it probably is.
I'm sure, given the chance, it could win gold medals
in the "open-gate-finding-high-jump-fence-clearing"
biathlon event at the international bovine olympics.
But it won't and I'm smarter.
One guess where that little bugger's going this
weekend.
Only one decision remains... pepper or mushroom
sauce?
Don't feel so smart now do we? Punk!
